So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
