I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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