stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
