It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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