the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
