walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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