It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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