I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
