the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
