can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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