i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
