i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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