Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
