if i can run in heels then i can drive
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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