I just cut my nipple shaving
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
