It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
