I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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