im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
