The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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