You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
