i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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