I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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