My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
