I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My breasts were aching with rage.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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