I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
