I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
as a side note pls kill me
I think my moral compass just broke
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
