my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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