He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
