U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
