i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
