How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
