I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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