I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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