There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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