One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
