My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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