And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
