i was born a porn star she said
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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