there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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