Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Randomize
