Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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