just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You did what with his pubic hair?
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