I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
