I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
