Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
