Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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