I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
