My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
