He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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