There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
